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RE: Teen Dating - 8/7/2010 9:54:37 PM
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Destiny.J.Adams
Posts: 41
Joined: 8/6/2010
From: North Dakota
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quote:
Have you heard of courting? Are you familiar with the Biblical Worldview Student Conferences in summer? http://www.westminsterkpt.org/bwsc/). This year's one is over but there's another one next year and I highly recommend them.
Yes, I have heard of courting. At this point in my life, I have no interest in getting married at all. But if I do change my mind, I do fully intend on courting.
The link actually didn't connect, but I am all for Christian Conferences. I was just at the Evangelical Free Church of America's National Youth Conference and LOVED it. It was totally life changing and I can't wait for the next one in two years.
_____________________________
As Always,
Desi Jo
Praying for Hollywood...wanna to find out why? Message me.
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RE: Teen Dating - 8/8/2010 6:08:54 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 5184
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
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With me, the biggest difference between courting and dating was that I knew my husband's intentions when he asked my dad if he could court me. I knew it was more serious than dating. The boys I had dated before were more for fun. Some of them I liked and hoped would get serious someday, and one I didn't really like at all, but I just felt I needed a boyfriend to be complete. With my husband, I knew that courtship was something you only did if you were interested in possibly marrying the person. Which of course, we did, and have been married for fourteen years now.
We now have kids that are starting to talk to us about dating and courtship and what the difference is. My daughter is reading "The Diary of a Teenage Girl" series and there is a girl in one that kissed dating goodbye. We've been having some good conversations lately.
I don't know if we'll call it dating or courtship or whatever, but I do want to discourage casual dating and I also want to discourage my kids from pairing up too early. My son had a crush last year and I was starting to think I'd have to deal with this earlier than I thought. They'd been e-mailing each other and had confessed to each other that they liked each other. That all ended through some circumstances when he realized that she has some pretty major character issues. Kind of dampened his infatuation for her.
I'm sure it's not going to be long before we are dealing with it again, though. If our kids are like my husband me, they are going to be interested in relationships pretty early.
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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RE: Teen Dating - 8/18/2010 9:59:09 AM
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AslansChild
Posts: 71
Joined: 6/30/2005
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My son is 17 and is currently "talking" with one specific girl that he considers his girlfriend. He tried dating when he was 16 and had a bad experience with a much more "advanced" girl. The young lady he is interested in is not from our church and this does cause some discussions as we are not sure where she stands with regards to her faith. My wife and I have similar views on him dating but I am less concerned than she is at this point due to my openess with him where my wife's views stem from a much more shielded upbringing. My thoughts are that dating prior to senior year in high school is fine as long as there is an understanding that the dates are related to either school events such as prom/homecoming or an organized group event where there are adults present (youth group activities)and are considered more social than anything else. The just hanging out dating or holding hands in school thing is probably not a good idea. As my son is now a senior in HS I can see his interest in having a "girlfriend" due to the multitude of social events that take place. I have also talked with him about the balance of school and social time and which one will require the higher percentage of his focus. My son is also not girl crazy and has had a lot of girls who are friends (he actually has two very close friends who he grew up with that are sisters). I think my advice is if you know your child and you believe they understand all of the consequences of dating and can be trusted to use good judjement then allow them to take the step towards learning the complex world of relationships.
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RE: Teen Dating - 8/18/2010 3:51:38 PM
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GraceyGirl
Posts: 463
Joined: 6/4/2006
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I like my stepfathers perspective on dating.
He didn't think there was ANY reason for me (or any other teenager) to ever be alone with a person of the opposite sex until I was old enough to vote & join the military. He said that if I was old enough to contribute to the democracy of my country, and to put my life on the line as a soldier, THEN at the time, I was old enough to make decisions about my "suitors."
That said, Daddy allowed me to attend school functions with my current "sweetie" at the age of 16, and at the beginning of my junior year I was allowed to "group date." However, the deal was, he knew who was driving, where we were going, and when I was going to be home. No exceptions. If the person driving backed out, guess what? I didn't get to go. LOL
There were PLENTY of school and church activities to keep me quite busy. I had ample opportunity to spend time with my "sweeties" however at cookouts at our home, family gathers (theirs and mine) and the like.
I agree with Daddy - its important that young people learn how to socialize with the opposite sex, but its also important to provide SUITABLE boundaries.
I think 14 is too young to date personally. But, I would take my 13 year old and his "sweetie" to the movies with his kid sister and other kids. So. . .
_____________________________
I have every confidence in God’s ability to work through you…don’t give anything away just because He is stretching you. ~ Donious Eichhornious
Our Village Life
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RE: Teen Dating - 8/19/2010 12:09:42 PM
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kfb
Posts: 1
Joined: 8/19/2010
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Having two girls one 26 and married and 1 17 and in a long term relationship, I will give you my opinion. At 14 my girls were not allowed to "date" they were allowed to go out in big groups. Sometime refered to as "group dating" at 16 dating was allowed but only at home dates. As we got to know the boy and trust him we allowed them to actually leave the house. Now this may seem strict but any boy is willing to sit on our couch in order to spend time with our daughter generally has nothing to hide. Also we had very strict rules about the type of boy allowed. Christian, good grades, some outside interest that kept him involved in something other than school and video games. This resulted in weeding out the bad influences and produced some very nice boys in our daughters lives. 
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kfbhttp://kandkjewelry.com/purity-rings-pendants.html
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/3/2010 10:22:58 PM
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strengthofmyheart
Posts: 50
Joined: 8/9/2010
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What a tough topic! I say this while laughing because it isn't easy and it results in a lot of sleepless, prayer-filled nights. :)
When our son was in middle school, we told him that he could "group date" meaning he could go out with a group of friends to public places but never one-on-one and never to non-public places.
When our son entered high school and wanted to start dating, I kind of overdid it like I usually do. Before he could start dating, he had to meet the following requirements:
1. Attend youth group regularly (without my prompting) for six months straight (we had a great church with an awesome God-filled youth pastor)
2. Read, highlight, and take notes for "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris (can you tell that I'm an English teacher?!?!)
3. Take three women of MY choice out on a date (it ended up being my mom (grandma to him), my grandmother (great grandma to him), and a dear friend of mine who is 20 years older than me. They all thought it was a real treat to have him take them out on a date and didn't hesitate to coach him on how to treat a lady. Our son was VERY hesitant to do this at first, but after the first date with Grandma he had a great time and enjoyed the experience.
4. Write a "Letter of Committment" to God about his dating standards
He met all of these requirements when he entered his sophomore year, but by then he had kind of outgrown that middle-schooler's need to date syndrome and was content to refrain from dating. . .much to our relief!!! He did date a few young ladies who attended his youth group (which he continued to attend on his own throughout his high school years) during his junior and senior years, but those experiences weren't really "serious".
After all the torture we put him through, I can't help but wonder if he will continue the tradition with his own children some day!!! LOL
I think it's important to approach the idea of dating with the right attitude. The desire to "date" is a natural God-driven desire. It is His plan for us to have and be helpmates and it is absolutely natural to want to seek a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. However, the concept of "dating" is not biblical although the concept of "Courting" is. I would encourage you to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" as well as "Choosing God's Best" by Elizabeth Eliott so that you become familiar with the difference between the two and can thus coach your child in a biblical manner.
_____________________________
How can I NOT be filled with joy when the Author of my salvation has blessed me yet AGAIN with the breath of life???
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/4/2010 6:02:29 PM
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christsstar
Posts: 2228
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: strengthofmyheart
What a tough topic! I say this while laughing because it isn't easy and it results in a lot of sleepless, prayer-filled nights. :)
When our son was in middle school, we told him that he could "group date" meaning he could go out with a group of friends to public places but never one-on-one and never to non-public places.
When our son entered high school and wanted to start dating, I kind of overdid it like I usually do. Before he could start dating, he had to meet the following requirements:
1. Attend youth group regularly (without my prompting) for six months straight (we had a great church with an awesome God-filled youth pastor)
2. Read, highlight, and take notes for "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris (can you tell that I'm an English teacher?!?!)
3. Take three women of MY choice out on a date (it ended up being my mom (grandma to him), my grandmother (great grandma to him), and a dear friend of mine who is 20 years older than me. They all thought it was a real treat to have him take them out on a date and didn't hesitate to coach him on how to treat a lady. Our son was VERY hesitant to do this at first, but after the first date with Grandma he had a great time and enjoyed the experience.
4. Write a "Letter of Committment" to God about his dating standards
He met all of these requirements when he entered his sophomore year, but by then he had kind of outgrown that middle-schooler's need to date syndrome and was content to refrain from dating. . .much to our relief!!! He did date a few young ladies who attended his youth group (which he continued to attend on his own throughout his high school years) during his junior and senior years, but those experiences weren't really "serious".
After all the torture we put him through, I can't help but wonder if he will continue the tradition with his own children some day!!! LOL
I think it's important to approach the idea of dating with the right attitude. The desire to "date" is a natural God-driven desire. It is His plan for us to have and be helpmates and it is absolutely natural to want to seek a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. However, the concept of "dating" is not biblical although the concept of "Courting" is. I would encourage you to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" as well as "Choosing God's Best" by Elizabeth Eliott so that you become familiar with the difference between the two and can thus coach your child in a biblical manner.
I love those requirements.
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/4/2010 10:19:50 PM
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Destiny.J.Adams
Posts: 41
Joined: 8/6/2010
From: North Dakota
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: strengthofmyheart
What a tough topic! I say this while laughing because it isn't easy and it results in a lot of sleepless, prayer-filled nights. :)
When our son was in middle school, we told him that he could "group date" meaning he could go out with a group of friends to public places but never one-on-one and never to non-public places.
When our son entered high school and wanted to start dating, I kind of overdid it like I usually do. Before he could start dating, he had to meet the following requirements:
1. Attend youth group regularly (without my prompting) for six months straight (we had a great church with an awesome God-filled youth pastor)
2. Read, highlight, and take notes for "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris (can you tell that I'm an English teacher?!?!)
3. Take three women of MY choice out on a date (it ended up being my mom (grandma to him), my grandmother (great grandma to him), and a dear friend of mine who is 20 years older than me. They all thought it was a real treat to have him take them out on a date and didn't hesitate to coach him on how to treat a lady. Our son was VERY hesitant to do this at first, but after the first date with Grandma he had a great time and enjoyed the experience.
4. Write a "Letter of Committment" to God about his dating standards
He met all of these requirements when he entered his sophomore year, but by then he had kind of outgrown that middle-schooler's need to date syndrome and was content to refrain from dating. . .much to our relief!!! He did date a few young ladies who attended his youth group (which he continued to attend on his own throughout his high school years) during his junior and senior years, but those experiences weren't really "serious".
After all the torture we put him through, I can't help but wonder if he will continue the tradition with his own children some day!!! LOL
I think it's important to approach the idea of dating with the right attitude. The desire to "date" is a natural God-driven desire. It is His plan for us to have and be helpmates and it is absolutely natural to want to seek a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. However, the concept of "dating" is not biblical although the concept of "Courting" is. I would encourage you to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" as well as "Choosing God's Best" by Elizabeth Eliott so that you become familiar with the difference between the two and can thus coach your child in a biblical manner.
Wow, that is amazing, I love those. If I ever get married and have a son, I think I'm going to steal your idea.
_____________________________
As Always,
Desi Jo
Praying for Hollywood...wanna to find out why? Message me.
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/4/2010 11:05:06 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4247
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: strengthofmyheart
What a tough topic! I say this while laughing because it isn't easy and it results in a lot of sleepless, prayer-filled nights. :)
When our son was in middle school, we told him that he could "group date" meaning he could go out with a group of friends to public places but never one-on-one and never to non-public places.
When our son entered high school and wanted to start dating, I kind of overdid it like I usually do. Before he could start dating, he had to meet the following requirements:
1. Attend youth group regularly (without my prompting) for six months straight (we had a great church with an awesome God-filled youth pastor)
2. Read, highlight, and take notes for "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris (can you tell that I'm an English teacher?!?!)
3. Take three women of MY choice out on a date (it ended up being my mom (grandma to him), my grandmother (great grandma to him), and a dear friend of mine who is 20 years older than me. They all thought it was a real treat to have him take them out on a date and didn't hesitate to coach him on how to treat a lady. Our son was VERY hesitant to do this at first, but after the first date with Grandma he had a great time and enjoyed the experience.
4. Write a "Letter of Committment" to God about his dating standards
He met all of these requirements when he entered his sophomore year, but by then he had kind of outgrown that middle-schooler's need to date syndrome and was content to refrain from dating. . .much to our relief!!! He did date a few young ladies who attended his youth group (which he continued to attend on his own throughout his high school years) during his junior and senior years, but those experiences weren't really "serious".
After all the torture we put him through, I can't help but wonder if he will continue the tradition with his own children some day!!! LOL
I think it's important to approach the idea of dating with the right attitude. The desire to "date" is a natural God-driven desire. It is His plan for us to have and be helpmates and it is absolutely natural to want to seek a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. However, the concept of "dating" is not biblical although the concept of "Courting" is. I would encourage you to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" as well as "Choosing God's Best" by Elizabeth Eliott so that you become familiar with the difference between the two and can thus coach your child in a biblical manner.
I'm actually glad to see that he did end up dating.
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/5/2010 2:24:11 PM
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strengthofmyheart
Posts: 50
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline
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I figured if he endured my requirements for dating and if he was thoroughly educated on the difference between dating and courting, then he should have the tools necessary to decide whether he wanted to "date" or "court". He ended up doing a mixture of both. Keep in mind that the difference between the two is the intent. With dating you go out with someone and kind of see what happens. With courting, you don't go out with someone unless you feel they are "the one" after much prayer, time getting to know them in social groups, and time spent with God. Our son kind of "joined" the two concepts by dating a few girls but when he took them out he was never alone with them (they always went somewhere public), was never intimate with them, and he made sure they understood that he was not ready to be "serious" in a relationship but rather just wanted to enjoy spending time together with them. These are standards that he set and implemented by himself. Another reason why we are so incredibly proud of him.  I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. We and other family members/friends have been praying for our son for years, specifically for him to be a man of integrity with a heart for God. It's never too late to begin wearing holes in the carpet while we pray for the next generation of believers.
_____________________________
How can I NOT be filled with joy when the Author of my salvation has blessed me yet AGAIN with the breath of life???
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/5/2010 9:22:15 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2743
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: strengthofmyheart
3. Take three women of MY choice out on a date (it ended up being my mom (grandma to him), my grandmother (great grandma to him), and a dear friend of mine who is 20 years older than me. They all thought it was a real treat to have him take them out on a date and didn't hesitate to coach him on how to treat a lady.
Love it! What a fun teaching experience, and I bet Grandma and Great Grandma loved it, too. :) More eager young men should be allowed to get this blessing from and to grandmas.
DH would take our DD out on dates, starting when she was out of diapers. It was a treat to get all of Daddy's attention and go for ice cream or a dinner (probably started off at McDonalds; it was so long ago I forget!). He showed her how a gentleman treated a lady (he opened her car door and everything) and worked their way up to a five star restaurant in Scotland (now *there* is a Daddy/Daughter date to remember) when she was in her teens. He even gave her a bite of his haggis and she didn't embarrass him by dropping on the floor and grabbing her throat. Good breeding, and all that LOL).
We couldn't afford to go to Scotland, but we got a windfall and figured it was a golden opportunity for a homeschool "fieldtrip" for the two of them. It's a trip she'll never forget. <smiles at the pic of DD horsing around at a castle>
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/6/2010 9:46:24 AM
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Corinth7
Posts: 369
Joined: 7/5/2010
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hadassah_
Oh geez...*sigh* I have a 14 year old who isn't dating but has a girl in his life that he really cares about and she likes him.
He's not ready to date and when we have discussed it in the past we decided that he would wait until he was older (out of high school) before pursuing dating.
Well now he's starting high school and he and this girl are getting closer and while I have no problem with this whatsoever, she does tend to date boys faster than most girls change their clothes. 
I'm afraid if I let Thing 1 start to "date" in high school then Thing 2 is going to want to start dating sooner. Thing 2 on the other hand is a complete ladies man. He loves that girls find him "hot" and loves the attention he gets from them.
I know if Thing 1 was allowed to date he'd be very responsible and mature about it, which is why I'm kind of nervous about it. I am beginning to think he's old enough but I don't know if I'm ready for it...LOL 
So for those of you with teenagers, how did you decide to let your child date, and what guidelines and rules do you have about it?
My husband told my daughter she couldn't date, But I found out she was still seeing some boy at school.
I didn't want her to do things behind the back....so met the parent...and took them to movies, and such....
Thing is...you want to be able to help them...while they are doing things in front of you, They may not think they can ask you anything if they are sneaking behind the back.
I tell my daughter strait out, but in the end...they going to do what they want to do, when u can't see them. And all you can hope is that the words you have been implanting in them. They will listen to.
Set guide lines - and speak to children and parents together, so the children NO WHY they shouldn't do AB AND C.
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/6/2010 11:05:35 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3258
Joined: 4/12/2005
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You're more understanding then a lot of parents. I've met some who literally kept their daughters locked up, even put wooden boards over the girl's window because she went behind their backs.
Ultimately, I also hope to allow my kids some freedom to develop relationships with the opposite sex, but with adult supervision and getting to know the parents of the people they are with.
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Well behaved women rarely make the history books.
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RE: Teen Dating - 9/6/2010 11:22:42 AM
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strengthofmyheart
Posts: 50
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline
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I agree that Corinth showed a lot of patience. When a child rebells it's difficult to be understanding. I think the key is educating our children on the choices they can make. So many teens think their choices are dating or not dating. They don't realize that there are different types of dating or ways of getting to know other teens. As a result, they easily get caught in the world of dating someone, breaking up with them, dating someone else, breaking up with them, etc. It's a vicious cycle that results in a lot of emotional turmoil and scars.
Getting to know the other parents is excellent. Then the two of you can team up and take turns having the kids over for special events (movie night, etc.). Do be careful, though, because I have found that unfortunately several parents, even those who appear to be Christians, are very relaxed in their homes and often do not supervise the kids in their homes very well. Some let kids go off to a space in the house on their own to watch movies, etc., without checking in on them. And even if they did check in on them, they would often go unsupervised for lengthy periods of time. Boy + girl + dark room + movie = temptations. I guess in the long run what I found disappointing was wondering why parents didn't just take the time to spend with the kids? When our son brings friends over, we often pull out the games and LOTS of food and spend the evening playing games, eating too much food, and having a great time. Or, we pull out the grill and spend the evening outside. Or we pull out a good movie, make huge bowls of popcorn, and spend the evening sprawled out all over the livingroom. Sure there are times when our son and his friends go off to his room or go downstairs and hang out. But they usually end up wandering back upstairs and hanging out in "our" space. It's a great way to get to know the kids while showing them healthy ways of interacting as a family and as a couple.
_____________________________
How can I NOT be filled with joy when the Author of my salvation has blessed me yet AGAIN with the breath of life???
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Christine 
Vinegar!!!!
Since it's mostly very casual we are ok with it. I don't think there'd be much of a difference if we forbade him from technically calling it a relationship or calling themselves bf/gf. 